I hope my journey will benefit you, if only by learning from my mistakes.
I was really good at my work (corporate IT), I wasn’t qualified for anything else and my family relied on my income – but I didn’t love it.
I know there are other people like me out there – you may be one of them.
Working in corporate or owning your own business.
You sort of like what you do, you certainly appreciate the money.
You’re conscious that there could be more for you, not convinced you want to still be doing this in 10 years, secretly worried you’ll not be able to because you’ll get ill or have a breakdown before then.
But what else do you do? How do you know what to do, what if you get it wrong, what if it doesn’t work, but what if you never try?
Maybe some of my experiences will help.
I was an IT Business Analyst and Project Manager in Financial Services in London, for 25 years, the only career I had ever had.
My problem was that I lived totally in my mind – I was mentally super-switched on, but not really in touch with my body or my feelings. I enjoyed things, I disliked things, but I didn’t really hate anything nor did I love anything. This seems surprisingly common amongst people I speak to.
You can cope, get along fine but in reality you are constantly writing cheques your body and your nervous system can’t cash long term, storing up trouble for the future.
And you sort of know this but it appears from time to time out of the corner of your eye and then it’s gone again. You have a holiday and feel so tired once you stop – which is worrying but “normal for you” – then after a week you feel so much better and it’s time to go back again. So you consciously pull yourself together and head it because “that’s just what you do”.
I worked too hard and I was really tired but still managed to get up at 05.15 every day to commute to the City to work, only seeing my kids in the evening to put them to bed. The 6-figure salary was excellent and we had a great standard of living – not that I saw much of home or the area where we lived. My wife tended to drive on weekends because I didn’t know how to get to where they wanted to go.
That ought to have been a clue, but I wasn’t aware enough to notice it.
I didn’t take care of my body, I ate poorly, drank too much alcohol, didn’t get enough daylight – or fun – and had lost all the hobbies and interests I used to have. There was nothing wrong with my life – in fact it was great on paper and was a life that many envied – but it was hard and a grind and not a lot of fun most of the time.
But I was really good at it, wasn’t qualified for anything else and the family relied on my income to live the way we lived.
I was Kicked Out …
What changed was that I had a nervous breakdown, was signed off sick for 2 weeks and promptly sacked from the contract by the boss’s boss. Which did me a favour in truth because I cannot say to this day whether I would have left that career voluntarily, not with £10k per month income, I mean, who would?!
All quite depressing isn’t it. Except that I don’t see it as depressing and I call the “breakdown” and “breakthrough” now, although it definitely wasn’t an amusing time for anyone.
I learnt a number of things in the first 3 months after that event:
💔 I had sleep-walked into a place that was bad for me physically, emotionally and spiritually but had no idea because it had happened slowly. I hadn’t chosen much of it, it happened by default as I said yes to the next thing or was selected or head-hunted for it
💔 The money was a such a powerful lure and obviously more was better but the cost was hidden from me
💔 People around me could see the problems happening but didn’t know how to say so
💔 Eventually – if you don’t pay attention to what you need at all levels – your body, mind, heart, soul, spirit (call it what you will) will hit you so hard you have no choice but to stop.
So what I do now is help people – people like I used to be – to become aware of what they need and get that for themselves in time to move gracefully into the new without having to go through the unpleasantness I did. I do that with coaching, which is talking together once a week, digging into what you want, what you don’t want, what you are not sure of and discovering the new over time. All of which is outside of work and your family so you feel safe to explore and keep your work and home lives intact until you are ready to talk about it.
Confidentiality is paramount to me. I don’t share what you speak about with anyone and I don’t name my clients anywhere. You can speak candidly in private and no one at work or home needs to know until you’re ready to. The investment varies from a couple of hundred pounds to £12,000 for a full year of intensive 1:1 support, which is good value to avoid your own breakdown I think.
So what happened to me over the past 10 years? I left corporate, worked part time on a contract (which was just fantastic – great money and 3 days a week), have run two businesses since then, moved to the coast and started a totally different life away from commuting and corporate and big project deadlines and stressed executives.
And I absolutely love it, every single day. I feel so well, people tell me I look 10 years younger and I get out of bed looking forward to my day. I swim in the sea (3 out of 4 seasons, I’m yet to fully-embrace that cold water thing) and I run on the beach.
This is my version of a dream life. What would yours be?
This is me during the summer in a local cafe with a view of the ocean, “doing work”.