Tendencies – from Gretchen Ruben’s work – are a useful way of looking inside at our own reasons for not getting what we want. If you have not yet done much of what you said you would do differently, check whether a tendency is part of the cause. Everyone is a mix of several, but you will likely resonate with one most right now.
- If you are an Obliger, chances are you will struggle to do things for yourself, so create outside accountability.
- If you are a Questioner, anything you say you want to do has to be backed up by an excellent reason, or you simply will not follow through. So make sure the reason is compelling for you.
- For Upholders, if you state clearly what you need to do, it will likely happen. Turn your goals into simple tasks and schedule them.
- And if you are a Rebel, you need to feel free and excited about what you intend to do and you will naturally be remarkably energetic, committed, and courageous. So what excites you most right now? Start there.
If you have yet to get much traction in 2026 on the things you said you wanted to be different, check whether there is a tendency that is stopping you. Then come up with strategies to circumvent that for yourself. And if you draw a blank, get on a call with me and we can do it together.
The 4 Tendencies comes from the work of Gretchen Rubin in her book “Better Than Before”, but here’s summary of these so you can dig in immediately
Upholders are the people who do what they said they would do, because they said they would do it. They tend to like clarity, routines, and finishing what’s been started, and they often feel surprisingly calm inside structure. If you are an Upholder, you probably keep promises to yourself as readily as you keep promises to others: if you decide you will walk at 7am, you walk at 7am. Deadlines, checklists, and plans are supportive not oppressive. A telltale sign is that you rarely need motivation hacks or accountability tricks – you just need a clear commitment and a sensible plan, and you will follow through.
Questioners tend to feel allergic to anything that looks like busywork, rules for the sake of rules, or expectations that do not stand up to scrutiny. They do not automatically resist what others ask, but they need to understand the why: if it is rational, efficient, and evidence-based, they are all in. If you are a Questioner, you might research before you act, improve the system before you start, and ask a lot of clarifying questions because you are trying to make the choice that makes sense. The giveaway is that you can be highly disciplined once you are convinced – but you will stall or quietly refuse if something feels arbitrary, inefficient, or unproven.
Obligers are the people who reliably show up for other people, and then feel baffled that they cannot seem to show up for themselves in the same way. They are often generous, dependable, and very responsive to what they believe others are counting on them for. If you are an Obliger, you may keep your promises when there is external accountability (a client expecting you, a friend waiting for you, a deadline with consequences), but struggle to follow through when only you will know. A strong sign is that you do best when there is a person, a commitment, or a group that will notice, and you can spiral into guilt or self-criticism when you keep letting yourself down despite being obviously capable.
Rebels are driven by freedom and identity more than by expectation and obligation. They do not like being told what to do – and that includes being told by their own plans, calendars, or past selves. If you are a Rebel, you might notice an instinctive pushback when something becomes a rule, even if it was your idea originally. You do well when you can choose, improvise, and act from a sense of who you are rather than what you should do. A classic sign is that the moment something feels like a demand, motivation drops – but when you feel free, you can be remarkably energetic, committed, and courageous, especially when it aligns with your values and the kind of person you want to be.