Are you living a life that you didn’t consciously choose? Did you follow the path in front of you from university to job to career to … this? Now that you are this far along that route, how sure are you that this is all your own idea?
I hadn’t chosen mine, I had “inherited” it
I had this realisation when I was 41: a Wednesday afternoon, jotting down pros and cons of my job and discovering the biggest pro was the excellent pension in 24 years’ time. Then it hit me how many of my career steps had been offered to me but that I hadn’t consciously planned. They had all seemed to work out until that moment that they didn’t.
If you feel similarly, you’re not alone. You picked a path because it was “a career for life” or because it was popular at the time or because your family had a tradition.
That’s the default in operation. And it’s mostly invisible. So many of us follow it.
And it’s years – decades sometimes – before you become aware that where you’ve ended up was not actually your own decision. You “chose” what was most expected or normal, not what your passion or heart or perhaps even gifts might have pointed towards.
Ask yourself this
When was the last time you chose something that you truly wanted? Not a business decision, either. When you gave no thought to what was expected, or what others might think or what was “best”. Just what you would love.
If the answer doesn’t come quickly, that’s worth sitting with.
What would you choose? Right now – in this moment – what would you love?
And yes, you are surrounded by responsibilities. People do rely on you. Things do need to get done. All that is true and inevitable, but that doesn’t mean you can’t choose for yourself. Or choose yourself, sometimes.
And neither must you burn it all down: quit the job, bundle your spouse, the kids and the dog into a van and drive off into the sunset. Unless you want to, of course.
“I can’t” is a lie
The language most people use is “but I can’t”. Ever heard yourself say that? This is the default operating again. It seduces us into either-or thinking. I can either do what I have to do, or what I want to do. But I can’t do both.
The default pattern says life is either-or. Successful business or enough sleep. Growth or honouring your values. Selling or giving up or battling on until … well, just battling on.
And here’s what I tell my clients – can’t is almost never true. You only need to ask yourself “how can I have this and that”?
Which is how life by design works.
Life by Design
Life by design is both-and. Growth while respecting your values might look like sacking a super-demanding client. Successful business and enough sleep could be delegating more to your team. Great income and fun could be taking a weekend off each month to go away for a couple of nights with your partner.
What would you choose knowing that you could have both-and?
Where did your heart and mind immediately go?
I’m genuinely curious to know. Drop that in the comments or send me a message. I read everything personally.
If this landed for you, I wrote a book called Living by Design [Not by Default] – short, practical articles you can dip into and start making small shifts today. It’s on Amazon.